a thousand blue fish

On the 31 January 2001 I wrote this in some journal type thing: “I am so full of dreams and desires for my life.   I can’t make out what anyone points to and I find that a bit scary.   I know for sure there are many things I want to accomplish but I can’t find the specific, right thing.   I want to help people.   I want to learn different languages and tap my talents.   I want to learn to dance and to cook and take art lessons.   I want to be known.   I want passion, I want adventure.   I want culture and history and sometimes, I’ll want stability.   I want to experience life.   I want to be a teacher.   I want the right the wrongs.   I want to kick some druggie butts and put kids in their places.   I want a house with a swimming pool.   There must be trees and I’ll grow herbs and flowers.   I want a husband who is like me, but at the same time very different.   He must be hard working, honest, intelligent, ...

My next daughter is going to be called Rizpah Ava Liebenberg I am not pregnant and no, we have not started adopting yet I just know this is her name What it also means is that she will be a woman who reminds a heartless world to feel compassion Rizpah means hot coal and Ava, life Rizpah, in the Bible, was one of Saul's concubine's David out of a place of fear handed her children to the Gibeonite's who slaughtered them and left there bodies exposed "But the king took the two sons of Rizpah the daughter of Aiah, whom she bore to Saul, Armoni and Mephibosheth, and the five sons of Michal the daughter of Saul, whom she bore to Adriel the son of Barzillai the Meholathite. And he delivered them into the hands of the Gibeonites. And they hanged them in the hill before Jehovah. And they fell, seven together, and were put to death in the days of harvest, in the first days , in the beginning of barley harvest. And Rizpah the daughter of Aiah took sackcloth and spread i...

I am Philippa Wife of Emiel Mother of Alexander and Beatrice Daughter of Chris and Vicky Sister of Robyn, Anthony and Zinny Sister-in-something to Clint Aunt to Ella Sister-in-law to Rael and Natalie Daughter-in-law to Pierre (I can never remember the spelling) and Rene Granddaughter to Annie B (The teeny, tiny granny is Granny Rita who died when I was pregnant with Alexander. I am still really sore that she didn't get to see him) Granddaughter-in-law of Daphne Niece to a bunch of special people and cousin to a bunch more I have a place My name takes a branch on a family tree From my name come other branches When I started writing this I wasn't really sure of the direction, until I thought about all the people that have nobody I moan a hang of a lot, I know, Truth be told I have a bit to moan about But I look at where I am and I have a my spot, my dent, my groove that is made for only me I want to learn to be that for other people In my heart of hearts I know we will a...

Why is it so hard to put some words down on this page? I have so much to say! A lot of of it is good stuff, some of it is a bit fluffly around the edges. Ok, here goes: I think for the first time in my life I know what it means to be working out my salvation (Phil 2:12). I don't know why it has taken me 24 years (yup, I got saved when I was 4) to get to this space. I haven't gotten it all figured out like I think I had always done in the past. I am less intersted in Christian culture.  It doesn't always translate into Jesus culture. I can't handle the huge debate on end times and methods of baptism and denominations and names for things my brain refuses to memorise.  The truth is that as Christians we are all brothers and sisters, or does your Bible say something different? And I am a bit of a hypocrite, I would rather love the poor, visibly broken person then the one I see on a regular, church-like basis.  I was really upset with myself when I ...