a thousand blue fish

this is a post about resting we are looking ahead to a month that may be financially worse then all of the other months ok, maybe not worse we've had bad months before but before we were not responsible with our finance i have a choice in how i respond i can wobble and cry and shut down or i can rest "Come to Me, all those laboring and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest" Matthew 11:28 i'm choosing rest and smiles and praying that God would give life to something Emiel and i know will support and in turn give life.  Please pray for us, that God would continue His work in us and that He would give us clear direction 

When I started this blog I wanted to write something that all my friends could read and not feel alienated by it being a Christian blog. I didn't want it to be a Christian blog. But in writing I can't deny that my life is fully what it is because of God. I can't write anything that doesn't reflect my utter reliance on Him or the amazing work He has done. I also write from a place of desperately wanting my faith to reflect what I believe about my God. One of favourite songs has these lines in 'I will praise you in this storm'(its a Casting Crowns song). Since first hearing that song I've had many times when I've needed to listen to it. It was like I needed them to sing so I could praise. Of late i've learnt (learned?) how to praise. I don't need anyone else to direct me or lead me in, I can praise. We have a needs list and a wants list. The needs list has gotten longer and the wants list has remained untouched. This is where I wan...

Today started out so badly.  We had been waiting for a phone call.  The phone call would have been to say that Emiel can start working at a school we've been involved with.  The longer we waited the more fear rose up in me.  I am in this place where I am really not sure we've made the right decisions.  That being said it could just be how uncomfortable our situation has become.  The small things are obvious but the bigger ones seem elusive.  What is supposed to happen for an income?  Big question for most people.  I know God is in control and I know that if I seek His Kingdom and His righteousness (Matthew 6:33) things like money He'll take care of.  Man I'm being a baby.  I am sitting here typing and my chest is closing up and I want to cry big salty cathartic tears. This morning my chest was so tight I thought I might die. I don't like fear.  When I moved back in with my parent's after my time at fashion...