a thousand blue fish

I woke up this morning to a smell I couldn’t quite place.   It was a manly smell that I haven’t smelt in a month as my husband has been participating in Movember.   Before I’d even had time to put my glasses on (which means my seeing eyes are not seeing much) he’d handed me a stone shaped like a heart with the most perfect hole in it.  I kissed him and wished him happy anniversary.  At this point he jumped out of bed and grabbed a small black and gold bag out of his cupboard.  Inside the bag was a box and inside the box was the most beautiful, thoughtful present I could ever had hoped for.  Emiel had, in the last couple of weeks, found a coin from Swaziland. He had taken the coin and had it put on a silver chain… for me.  Swaziland is my heart place, my safe place if ever a physical place could be that.  We went there for a few days on our honeymoon because I wanted so badly to show the man I loved the place I loved.  And it was a...

My husband is my hero.  I adore that man more than I can explain, even when he makes me mad. What I want to share with you I have discussed with him.   His response was something like: Not something I'm happy about, not really what I want everyone to know, but I want to be real. My husband has had a really hard time with being generous.  While I know it affects so much of the way God blesses us, I don't blame him.   For so long a poverty mentality has haunted my husband.  I am so grateful to see him moving past this, but it has been really difficult for him. A recent event in the midst of all the craziness going on has brought this thing more to the surface.  We went to a worship event at our previous church.  It was a fundraiser for the band Wholehearted to go to the UK where they will be raising support for an organisation called Thebmalitsha that loves and looks after the disenfranchised in South Africa, particularly the Western Cape. As we ...

Everyone knows Jeremiah 29:11" For I know the plans I have for you, " declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."(NIV)  Like everyone else who has read that verse you hold onto it, pray it over yourself and give it to the people you know who are in a tough place.  That's what I did.  And then a couple of weeks ago I decided to read it in the Message and whoa, something changed, something came to life.  The Message (Remix version) has verses but they are grouped together.  For example when you look for verse 11, you'll find 10-11.  Here goes: 10-11 This is  God 's Word on the subject: "As soon as Babylon's seventy years are up and not a day before, I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.   Did you see that? It is ...

We are parents who decided to have our son circumcised.  For some reason we had the idea it was common practice in church circles and were a bit taken aback when our friends reacted the way they did.  Most simply debated it, some freaked out and another darling friend tried a very generous form of persuasion.  But in all that we knew, as we knew it was something we were supposed to do.  Circumcision is such a touchy subject and there are definite camps as to whether it is good or terrible.  But a good circumcision is done cleanly and swiftly.  Is there pain?  I'm sure there must be.  I just know in my heart of hearts that God did not ask such thing of His people for the sake of randomness.  Emiel and I were stuck in a hole for so long.  We both were desperate to be in the will of God, but were not willing to let go of some of our muck.  I want to explain this so you see the journey but I am sure i...

Oh man, God is soooo good! We went and did our passport photo's this afternoon in preparation for our trip to Home Affairs early tomorrow morning.  What an experience.  Alexander, darling heart, refused to co-operate.  The end result is an angry, mug-shot type photo.  Beatrice is teething again.  Her photo is the only shot they could get that didn't have gob running down her chin or her tongue hanging out.  Emiel is gorgeous sporting the early stages of a Movember and me well, what can I say, its a passport photo... Please pray that the passport process goes quickly! And on other fronts Alexander and his daddy really, really cannot eat sugar and gluten!  They bounce and then pass out.  Not cool.   Emiel, Alexander and my brother, Anthony   Much love Philippa

I am a jumbled up disarray of thoughts that don't seem to want to become anything.  I finally have (space, time, children in another room, the laptop, internet access) to write and I can't seem to scratch out anything that means, well anything.  My husband is trying, very sweetly, to keep the babas away for just a bit and as much as I tell that I don't know what to write he seems determined to have me sit here.  I have been a basketcase of late and I think he's hoping that this will act as an outlet.  I love him. This being poor-thing is difficult on one's sense of humour especially when one's sense of humour is non-existent.  Our children have been sick.  My mom started really pressing me to take them to the doctor saying she'd pay, so off we went.  Beatrice, all gross and snotty, is not too sick, but Alexander is really sick with croup.  Awesome (hint the note of sarcasm)!  So off hubbles and I go to the pharmacy with two scr...

So I know I haven't written in a looong time.  And I have real reason for abandoning you (for those of you who have missed my blog and felt abandoned).  I have mentioned it before that we don't have internet at home and I have wanted to make sure that I don't put too much pressure on my parents by being at their place too often.  Oh, and my stinky attitude would have probably caused me to lose a bunch of you. Anyway, The reason for this post is that I just wanted to say that God is faithful.  To be honest we are poor (like waying up the cost of buying cleaning products versus buying food) and I was starting to feel completely hopeless.  It had gotten so bad I had panic attacks. During this time I picked up Stormie Omartian's Power of the Praying Wife and started praying for Emiel (please understand that this was hard.  It is not easy praying for someone you are angry at).  Then  a copy of ...

My life’s to do list (written the same time I wrote my list for the husband I wanted ): -learn to surf -travel up Africa -do a photography course -write a book -learn to be completely honest (before I’m 22) (so I have learnt to be completely honest and if I am dishonest it is very intentional.   Um, let me rephrase that, if I am dishonest now I am aware of it as soon as it happens and usually correct myself.   Really, really embarrassing!) -learn to sew perfectly (this could take me forever) -learn to cook -take art lessons -get to my perfect weight (I'm mostly happy with the way I am now) -get fit (short term) (ha, ha, ha, so that didn’t happen until recently) -make a movie -create a garden -have a library of books -create a school level program aimed at self-esteem through the arts -start a feeding and welfare program for AIDs orphans -dye my hair black once -get a tattoo -learn how to play the guitar -get my skin sorted out (short term) -save a R1000 (increase that as I r...

On the 31 January 2001 I wrote this in some journal type thing: “I am so full of dreams and desires for my life.   I can’t make out what anyone points to and I find that a bit scary.   I know for sure there are many things I want to accomplish but I can’t find the specific, right thing.   I want to help people.   I want to learn different languages and tap my talents.   I want to learn to dance and to cook and take art lessons.   I want to be known.   I want passion, I want adventure.   I want culture and history and sometimes, I’ll want stability.   I want to experience life.   I want to be a teacher.   I want the right the wrongs.   I want to kick some druggie butts and put kids in their places.   I want a house with a swimming pool.   There must be trees and I’ll grow herbs and flowers.   I want a husband who is like me, but at the same time very different.   He must be hard working, honest, intelligent, ...

So my weekend went like this: My hope is not what it should be, hoplessness is starting to creep in Emiel leaves for camp I watch a stupid movie and feel scared My hope fades just a bit more I do my very best to keep my little people happy and content while their daddy is away Alexander is really not happy his daddy is away My hope continues fading I have plans to go my parents for Saturday Phone my dad who says my mom has had another allergic reaction to a medication I end up trying to clean and leave later then expected Get a text message from my dad saying I need to get there He needs to go out and my mom doesn't want to be left alone Suddenly it dawns on me that this reaction is quite serious My hope is fading fast I arrive at my parents' house with the littlies in tow I rush to my mom who has been trying to sleep She asks if her eyes are red Her face is swollen This is the third reaction And this time it was to Paracetamol (one of the components in the other meds) My mom...

This is the list that I mentioned before, the one about the kinda guy I wanted.  As I'd previously stated God gave me many of the points I'd asked for and in His infinite wisdom dumped some some of the stupid ones. Some of the points I wanted in my future husband were things lacking in my character.  I grew in the time it took writing this to the time I met Emiel. Bare with me a bit, some of the stuff may seem odd, but I was 20/21. (Wow, I'm old!) 1.reborn Christian (same place as me would be great) 2. major family person 3.adores children 4.absolutely no drugs 5.has (or still does) smoke (Styvie Blue) (I am a smoker who no longer smokes.  I still crave cigarrettes every day!) 6.drinks moderately (My love can drink but one glass of wine and then he giggles like a little girl) 7.intelligent 8.creative 9.wise 10.charasmatic 11.kind 12.gentle 13.funny (as I would be amused) (bah, ha, ha my husband's sense of humour is on another level to my dry non-existent sense...

*before i share with you what is on my heart i just want to apologise for the small caps and possible typo's. I am not able to get as much internet use as i'd like. I can use my husbands phone to post stuff, but it not the most fun way to do things. (and after apologising for small caps the phone as decided to capitalize the beginning of the sentence letters.) anyways, blogging is my happy space and not blogging means i am less happy, so please forgive what looks boring and possible blurry pictures* my hubs and i are about to do yet another major clean of our home. Its kinda cluttered and full of unneccassary (must check spelling) stuff that may be a blessing to others. I've just sat and let my eye run over everything and i got stuck on our book shelves. We have loads of books, and they're mostly christian. A lot are text books for Emiel who is studying theology. I remember in the past how my heart would swell up with pride when people came over. It was like i...

my morning of went a bit like this: i had a mushy brain couldn't write much, but i felt like a new person by the time i saw my husband and my littlies my husband felt like he'd had real time with our children who behaved like angels these are some of the pics he took of them so the final thoughton the matter i am going to fave a morning to myself once a week! yeah!!! 

I have the morning off!!!   Woohoo!!!  Little victory dance!!! I LOVE MY GORGEOUS, AMAZING, WONDERFUL HUSBAND!!!  We watched Fireproof again yeasterday morning and the thing that spoke the most to the wife was knowing that her husband heard what she was saying (that's my take on it anyway.)  My love heard what I was saying!!! Quite late last night my husband and I were put in a situation that had us worrying a bit.  I don't generally like worrying, even though I do it so well, so I decided I needed wisdom which led me to Proverbs.  Why Proverbs you may ask?  I guess, because in my humanness I wanted a quick fix solution and Proverbs is known as a Wisdom book...    The first verse was this: "Keep what you know to yourself, and you will be safe; talk too much, and you are done for." Proverbs 13:3 (CEV) Um, ok!  I am really not sure what to say about that.   I don't talk too much ...

Cindi Lauper doing her thang I come home in the morning light My mother says when you gonna live your life right Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones And girls they want to have fun Oh girls just want to have fun The phone rings in the middle of the night My father yells what you gonna do with your life Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one But girls they want to have fun Oh girls just want to have - That's all they really want Some fun When the working day is done Girls - they want to have fun Oh girls just want to have fun Some boys take a beautiful girl And hide her away from the rest of the world I want to be the one to walk in the sun Oh girls they want to have fun Oh girls just want to have That's all they really want Some fun When the working day is done Girls - they want to have fun Oh girls just want to have fun, They want to have fun, They want to have fun.... I remember singing this song at the top of  my l...

Have you ever noticed that couple that is going at each other in a supermarket?   You can't imagine how the fresh produce could have caused such upset, but their heated debate adds colour to your otherwise mundane shopping experience.  And truth be told it doesn't matter that you were raised not to stare (especially with your mouth hanging open), you can't help yourself but gawk.  Today just before 12:00 Emiel and I were that couple having the spat in the grossest smelling shop in our town.  -Break in thought, but how can you allow your store to sell like sour milk?????? And why was I shopping there????- We were trying to work out what to feed our son and discussing discipline and I didn't realise it was so obvious until out of the corner of my eye I saw a bunch of ladies waiting in line for the till and they were staring!!!  I told Emiel how much I hated spatting (ok, fighting) in public and that peo...

What I'm getting at, friends, is that you should simply keep on doing what you've done from the beginning. When I was living among you, you lived in responsive obedience. Now that I'm separated from you, keep it up. Better yet, redouble your efforts. Be energetic in your life of salvation, reverent and sensitive before God. That energy is God's energy, an energy deep within you, God himself willing and working at what will give him the most pleasure.  Do everything readily and cheerfully--no bickering, no second-guessing allowed!  Go out into the world uncorrupted, a breath of fresh air in this squalid and polluted society. Provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living God. Carry the light-giving Message into the night  so I'll have good cause to be proud of you on the day that Christ returns. You'll be living proof that I didn't go to all this work for nothing.  Even if I am executed here and now, I'll rejoice in being an element in th...

I'd said I'd come back with recipe after my last post and while the space I'm in is probably worse then before I have been determined to come up with something yum. Yesterday I made a dairy free banana bread that we could only eat today as it had to be refridgerated. It was a bit sweet and someone else's recipe, so I'll give you the link if you want it. Alexander loves the banana bread. I also made whole-wheat sweet potato cookies. I need to perfect the recipe before I share it. That being said the yumminess of these cookies has meant there aren't many left. Thursdays are student house family dinner, meaning we have the students over to our section of the house and I cook. The cooking was a nightmare experience as Emiel was at surf coaching and I had Alexander and Beatrice both needing me. Let me tell you what I managed to do in an hour: I started the sauce for the pasta with Alexander on my hip or on the counter. I then made popcorn to keep him...

Wife, mother, titles I wear with pride but sometimes frustration.  The photo's are supposed to be the other way around because I am wife first and then mom. Mamma to Alexander and Beatrice Emiel's wife   I love being Emiel's wife.  And as much as I don't always get the wifey stuff right I love trying.  It brings me so much pleasure to prepare food that tastes good and I know will be good for him.  I make a point of dressing in a way that I know will catch his eye (so it is really beyond me that my wardrobe is so sparce at the moment.)  I want to be the best for him, that he feels daily that God gave him his heart's desire. I've said before how grateful I am to be a mom.  My children are the most amazing gifts and I believe signs of God's favour.  Alexander is the most beautiful litle boy any mom could ask for, and Beatrice is truly the happiest baby.  I am priveleged. Happy girl, who l...