a thousand blue fish

It's late and my thoughts might come out a bit smooshed, but I have to get into the practice of doing this again. Today was hard.  This week was hard. I started work after a seriously short holiday, with longing in my heart to stay home with Oliver.  My heart breaks for the mothers who have to work, I know there are those you want to, but there are many more who have to. My heart breaks for myself.  At this stage we have no idea what to do with our precious youngest child.  At 14 months he is getting too big and busy to still come to work with me and we cannot afford to put him into a playschool.  I am very grateful that he is able to be with Emiel. It works, for now, kinda.     Beatrice started big school this week.  It has been exhausting, even trying to type this is exhausting. She uses so much energy trying to be good, trying to listen, trying to concentrate, trying to sit still that the minute steps out of the school building she lets g...

I know that I have been scarce and, to be honest I have very good reason.  Our laptop is still...well...sad and though I am uber blessed to have a spiffy iPhone 4S blogging from it is not the most fun thing I could be doing. My darling hubs thought it would be best we took a chance and set up the laptop, I think I was starting to worry him.  Creatively, except for Instagram, I am suffering just a tad.  So here I am doing what I love best, blogging. (And now I am sitting here wondering what to blog about.  And my darling hubs has music on that is only distracting me more) About a week ago, while at the park with my class, it suddenly dawned on me that we live in Japan.  We have moved out of the newness feel and are settled.  Our days are filled with children, ours and other peoples, grocery store visits, bicycle rides, runs, moments lost staring out of the window and laundry.  We are happy, happier than I would have thought possible two m...

Last night we lost Alexander while shopping.  We'd actually gone to look for a blanket for bicycle rides and he was really excited.  We'd also allowed him to walk beside us not attached to us.  Being 2 he abused this privilege and bolted.  I don't know why we took so long to register that we couldn't see him or why nobody paid us any attention when we started screaming his name.  Last night I'm sure I became the crazy gajin (foreigner) ranting.  Imagine the scene: I'm dressed like a ... I don't know-someone who didn't go to fashion school... and my eyes are already red and swollen from crying (another tale for another time.)  Bebe calmly perched on my hip, didn't even peep.  Emiel had the sense to remember that Alexander had wanted to go downstairs and went to look for him.  Alexander had taken himself down the escalators (I hated the stupid moving stairs before now I have even more yucky emotion towards them).  A woman on the basement ...

On Friday we became bicycle people and joined the masses of other bicycle people in Japan.  The bicycles were a gift from the mother of a child in my class.  She also goes to the church we go to.  She was so sweet about it and so used by God.  You see that morning as I'd walked to school I'd told my Daddy God that birthdays have away of making me sad.  I got a bit disappointed when I found out my birthday and Alexander's wasn't go to be going the way we'd planned. My last year behavior would have had me sulking and moaning and just generally a big old emotional wreck.  (I know why, and I'm working on it.) But on that Friday morning I told my Daddy God that I know He loves me and that He knows me and that I was going to sort my attitude out.  This was while I was rushing to school after waking up late.  I was also carrying Alexander who was cold and his leg was sore and he couldn't walk and I don't know what else that only happens when walking to o...

Today was Alexander's first field trip and well, my first field trip as a teacher.  We went to the Momofoku Ando Instant Ramen Museum- the birthplace of instant noodles.  With 11 little people, Alexander being the most unruly, my nerves were somewhat frayed by the time we got back to school.  Alexander has a way of fraying my nerves at the moment.  He has reached a new level of stubbornness that would frighten most mere mortals, but I am not a mere mortal, I am his mother.  The most amusing or irritating thing he has come up with is "I am happy Mom" when I have to discipline him.  Yes, Alexander, you are happy and I am happy for you, but I am more interested in how happy you will be in your future. I just know as I know that if I am not able to bend his will in the right direction he will grow up to be man that is forceful, hard and demanding. In other news, my sister's boyfriend is fine.  It turned out to be something minor, but painful.  I rea...

We are completely overwhelmed by all of the treats and yummy things we walk by every day. The Japanese really seem to love their sweet stuff.  It has really not helped that fruit and vegetable are pricey, meat is not and the deli food tastes better than my cooking at the moment.  Aagh !!!! I could really pull my hair out!  My children were eating so well! My husband was eating so well!  Aagh!!!! The truth is I cannot understand a word written on the labels of any product in any of the stores.  We're also waiting to pick up our Alien Cards, then we can open up a bank account and then get a credit card.  We've never wanted to do that but for our particular needs online shopping is a necessity. Tomorrow marks two weeks in Japan!  We have gone through a whole range of emotions, many of them calling us home to the freedom and space and familiarity of South Africa, but more importantly to the warmth and comfort of family.  Friends, we miss you to...

We applied for our Alien Card and got medical (provided by the state) and some other grants yesterday.  The experience was overwhelming for me.  It made the differences just so much more evident.  The Japanese run things so efficiently and smoothly.  I am most definitely not saying this is a bad thing.  The experience was overwhelming because of my children.  The place we went to is open plan- everyone sits together.  This shouldn't be a problem, but with Alexander performing like a circus animal (by Japanese standards) my nerves were shot.  And with the noise he made I expected the workforce to come to a standstill but they didn't, they didn't even acknowledge him.  In South Africa my son has caught the attention of everyone in the grocery store. I am not overwhelmed now, I am missing my family so bad, but I know God has called us here and will comfort me here.  We are excited to be in the Will of God, the sweetest spot to be. ...