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Wah Wah Wah

I am so exhausted.  I am physically, mentally, spiritually at my end.  I woke up to a sore eye.  Apparently there are lots of nerve things situated around the eye.  Stress sometimes causes things to behave badly.  Great! I love my life.  Its just that there are so many things not running the direction I'd thought they'd run.  And then the heat (we have had really hot weather, that will last until end Feb/March), my sunny-ish disposition is just not so sunny when its too sunny.

Sore eye progressed to rip roaring fight with my beloved husband.  It wasn't a nice fight.  I said some very nasty things and behaved in a most revolting manner. 

I remember a ridiculous thing mean teachers used to say, 'you are working on my last nerve.'  Today I understand it.  My last nerve got worked on.  My babies don't like being hot, so they were not too happy today.  Then my darling Alexander decided he wasn't really going to eat much.  WHAT DO I DO WITH A CHILD WHO CAN'T HAVE DAIRY, WHOSE RIBS SHINE THROUGH HIS SKIN AND WHO IS NOT INTERESTED IN WHAT I GIVE HIM?  I mean come on.  I have found so many awesome recipes and tricks but they tend to be pricey.  BUT I WANT TO GIVE MY CHILD WHAT HE NEEDS.

Then we go down to the beach and Alexander decides he hates the beach.  While he might enjoy throwing sand at his baby sister and the grownups he did not want to be there.  For most people (of the beach going variety) the ocean represents refreshing coolness that washes over the skin; you dive in and come out feeling new.  For Alexander the ocean brings fear.  How did that happen?  Where did we mess things up?  He used to be a little boy who could think of nothing more exciting then to be on the beach playing in the ocean.  Man I am not happy about this!

I know I am moaning, but I am tired.  All I want to do is sit on the couch and watch Criminal Minds or Bones or Numbers or The Mentalist or The Closer or Fringe.  I want to just sit and not have to think about all the things I am not doing right or achieving at this moment.  But, and this is a but, our DVD store has not got any of the new seasons in and if they did, we are out of credits.  I know I am seeing the glass half empty.  I am sorry.  I think what I want people to know about me is that I am real, that I am growing, sometimes slowly, and sometimes I wobble, lie today.  This is a wobble.  And if I take it all back to my lack of consistency, as before mentioned, with my quiet time and Bible reading, I have failed again.  It is no good for me to have the expectation of God do anything if I'm not seeking Him and spending time with Him.   Man, and I'm not a baby Christian.  Even as I started this I thought of Isaiah 40:27-31

'Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,
or, whine, Israel, saying,
"God has lost track of me.
He doesn't care what happens to me"?
Don't you know anything?  Haven't you been listening?
God doesn't come and go.  God lasts.
He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.
And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
gives strength to dropouts.
For even young men tire and drop and out,
young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon GOD get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
they walk and don't lag behind.'
(The Message)

Not much more I can say.  


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