a thousand blue fish

I read some blogs that are just so beautiful.  They are laid out in ways that immediately draw your eye and colour your day.  Their authors (I think of blog in terms of words) or creators (each post is like a work of art), are people that write stuff that captivates and motivates.  I want to be able to do that.  No, more honestly would be to say I want to be able to write posts that don't need pictures for people to read them.   I have just read an amazing post about a man being freed from prison and the bloggers response to him.  She understands that loving this man, most others would ignore, will be the thing that changes him.   She gets that loving him tells him about Jesus.  Then I read all the comments and everyone is telling her how nice she is.  I want to comment and say she's not doing it to be nice, she's doing it because that's what people who say they love Jesus are supposed to do.  I was reminded today of the verse that speaks of hating family to follow Ch

As you can see in the photo above (aside from me looking cute and my gorgeous daughter) I have quite the jawline.  What you can't see is the I have deformed jawbone sockets.  So sometimes if I yawn to widely my bottom jaw pops straight out.  I know you're thinking cool party trick, but I promise its gross.  I am also a person that manages to stress, like most of you probably.  My stress causes my body to do wierd things, like swell up, lose my hair, grind my teeth and my skin cracks and gets revolting on my hands and feet.  The answer to night time teeth grinding is the very unnatractive bite-plate.  Awhile ago mine broke.  In the beginning it was fine, I was somehow managing to stay calm.  I guess I haven't been so calm in the last week, because as I sit here typing my jaw seems to get tighter and tighter.  I am starting to resemble a pitbull.  Monkeys, my thoughts on this post have gone out the window.  I had some technical difficulties and now I can't remember wh

My brother brought a request to my mom a couple of weeks back.  He wanted a backpack.  It had to have leather and and other fabric.  It had to have a rustic, yet fashionable look- no to fashionable, not to rustic.  My brilliant mom, who does not often back down from a challenge, starts exploring and creates a pattern.   And voila: I am so proud of my moo!!!  I am going to say goodbye, because my battery is about to die and the cable is not working.  I could cry but I think I'll rather not.  Have a gorgeous weekend!

When I was younger, particularly around the time of my 25th birthday, the idea of growing up really, really BUGGED me.  And then life happened wham!  It is not so much that I don't want to grow up as much as I don't want the expectations of others to dictate the direction of my life.  I know that sounds immature, but heck, I have to live my life don't I?  I often do things a bit wonky.  Because the societal/Christian norm is for my life to look like XYZ by whatever age I would be like, "Um, no, I'd rather it didn't."  My rebellion was not, however, really all that well thoughout so there would be no alternative, just a fat hole into which I could fall.  I see the error in my way!  BUT, and this is kind of a biggie, I am not all that happy with the grown-up stuffy that I think I have achieved (that being said I think some people still view um, where I am at this stage in my life as immaturity.)  I like loud music that is kinda punk-like alternative.  I

my morning of went a bit like this: i had a mushy brain couldn't write much, but i felt like a new person by the time i saw my husband and my littlies my husband felt like he'd had real time with our children who behaved like angels these are some of the pics he took of them so the final thoughton the matter i am going to fave a morning to myself once a week! yeah!!! 

Awhile ago my mom called to say she couldn't find my little sister. My heart sank. After I'd given her the appropriate amount of time I called her to see if she'd found her and she had. During that phone call my son had halled down my little sister's treasure chest, handbag.  Inside, amongst all sorts of wierd an wonderful stuff, he'd found her clear glitter, nail varnish.  Some quick background, at Alexander's school is a gorgeous dressing table with fake makeup bottles and other such fun. All the little boys love the dressing table.  Back to the story: as my mom is calming my nerves about my sister I hear my son crying hysterically.  I rush over to him, not sure what has happened.  As I'm looking over him I find glitter on his eyelids and realise my son HAS NAIL VARNISH IN HIS EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my son moved around so much while I tried desperately to get the varnish out that I managed to bump his eye on the tap I am just a mom, and sometime

this is a post about resting we are looking ahead to a month that may be financially worse then all of the other months ok, maybe not worse we've had bad months before but before we were not responsible with our finance i have a choice in how i respond i can wobble and cry and shut down or i can rest "Come to Me, all those laboring and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest" Matthew 11:28 i'm choosing rest and smiles and praying that God would give life to something Emiel and i know will support and in turn give life.  Please pray for us, that God would continue His work in us and that He would give us clear direction 

 The Vision - by Pete Greig So this guy comes up to me and says: “what’s the vision? What’s the big idea?” I open my mouth and words come out like this: The vision? The vision is JESUS – obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus. The vision is an army of young people. You see bones? I see an army. And they are FREE from materialism. They laugh at 9-5 little prisons. They could eat caviar on Monday and crusts on Tuesday. They wouldn’t even notice. They know the meaning of the Matrix, the way the west was won. They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations. They need no passport. People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence. They are free yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying. What is the vision ? The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes. It makes children laugh and adults angry. It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars. It scorns the good and strains for the best.

I have the morning off!!!   Woohoo!!!  Little victory dance!!! I LOVE MY GORGEOUS, AMAZING, WONDERFUL HUSBAND!!!  We watched Fireproof again yeasterday morning and the thing that spoke the most to the wife was knowing that her husband heard what she was saying (that's my take on it anyway.)  My love heard what I was saying!!! Quite late last night my husband and I were put in a situation that had us worrying a bit.  I don't generally like worrying, even though I do it so well, so I decided I needed wisdom which led me to Proverbs.  Why Proverbs you may ask?  I guess, because in my humanness I wanted a quick fix solution and Proverbs is known as a Wisdom book...    The first verse was this: "Keep what you know to yourself, and you will be safe; talk too much, and you are done for." Proverbs 13:3 (CEV) Um, ok!  I am really not sure what to say about that.   I don't talk too much or say too much of what shouldn't be said.  I just talk to the wrong peop

i heart my life alexander at 7 months baby b at 7 months my two gorgeous little people this morning i feel content and well rounded i have strong views but i would rather be a (passive-as in non-violent) activist then a sheep i know the Bible refers to the us's as being like sheep that's cool, i will be a sheep that follows a shepherd BUT i will not be a sheep that follows the masses see i heart my life i am 28 i know my mind i make hearts i hide veggies in my son's food i look at my calves in a beautiful mirror everytime i walk up the stairs i'm bursting with heart like, love ideas love you muchly my readers Philippa 

Cindi Lauper doing her thang I come home in the morning light My mother says when you gonna live your life right Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones And girls they want to have fun Oh girls just want to have fun The phone rings in the middle of the night My father yells what you gonna do with your life Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one But girls they want to have fun Oh girls just want to have - That's all they really want Some fun When the working day is done Girls - they want to have fun Oh girls just want to have fun Some boys take a beautiful girl And hide her away from the rest of the world I want to be the one to walk in the sun Oh girls they want to have fun Oh girls just want to have That's all they really want Some fun When the working day is done Girls - they want to have fun Oh girls just want to have fun, They want to have fun, They want to have fun.... I remember singing this song at the top of  my l

I recently made an observation (by way of a comment from my mom) of my life.  I have changed.  I have grown.  I have blossomed.  And it would not have happened if life had not been so grossly uncomfortable for the last bunch of years. Hindsight really is a gift.  I was able to look back, ok maybe for the first time in many months, and see the thread weaving through.  I can see why one door closed and how another opened and how, while one path crumbled (think Indiana Jones type path crumbling), a new one appeared.  (So wierd, but my brain is seeing this in video game format.)   I can see that my heart broken, body rocking crying was not for nothing.  I've started to feel life pumping through my veins.  Please don't get me wrong, and think that I was unhappy being a wife and mother, this is something I was made to be.  But something was missing in me. One of things I have realised is that my Christian walk had become so religious.  It had become so much about me and me being r

Have you ever noticed that couple that is going at each other in a supermarket?   You can't imagine how the fresh produce could have caused such upset, but their heated debate adds colour to your otherwise mundane shopping experience.  And truth be told it doesn't matter that you were raised not to stare (especially with your mouth hanging open), you can't help yourself but gawk.  Today just before 12:00 Emiel and I were that couple having the spat in the grossest smelling shop in our town.  -Break in thought, but how can you allow your store to sell like sour milk?????? And why was I shopping there????- We were trying to work out what to feed our son and discussing discipline and I didn't realise it was so obvious until out of the corner of my eye I saw a bunch of ladies waiting in line for the till and they were staring!!!  I told Emiel how much I hated spatting (ok, fighting) in public and that people were in fact looking (he has always thought we have some invisib

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." — E.E. Cummings  "Unbeing dead isn't being alive." — E.E. Cummings "We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit." — E.E. Cummings   I had not intended to start with anything like the above quotes, but aren't they amazing?  What I had wanted was to find a poem about winter.  In the spider-webbed, cardboard-boxed-up mind of mine I remember something and I decided it was e.e.cummings but even though the internet is oh wow! I can't find it. Or maybe it's the dust.   My husband needs all of the credit for this post.  We discuss our life continuously.  We look at the good and the bad, what we are doing right and what is going horribly wrong.  A

If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care--then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedi

I like writing in the centre aligned way, I think it adds character to the overall  look of my blog. And I love my blog, so I get really sad when I don't get to write. And its Friday. It is the end of a week, yeah to that. God is birthing something, and it feels like the trauma of the last couple of years may actually be coming to an end. Ok, maybe not trauma, but extreme discomfort. And I find being Alexander's mum tiring. He is strong willed and determined and agressive much of the time. I love hime to bits. I wouldn't swap him or anything, I just want to be sure I raise him to be a gorgeous human being. I want to be sure that in all the screaming (from him) and terrorising (again him) I don't do anything that would break him. My defender-of-mankind needs to be guided and directed And sometimes I'm not sure I know how. How do I teach him to love and listen to God if I can't teach him to listen to me??? And then there is Beatrice. She is so sweet, but so a