Skip to main content

Longing for Winter

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are."
E.E. Cummings
 "Unbeing dead isn't being alive."
E.E. Cummings
"We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit."
E.E. Cummings
 
I had not intended to start with anything like the above quotes, but aren't they amazing?  What I had wanted was to find a poem about winter.  In the spider-webbed, cardboard-boxed-up mind of mine I remember something and I decided it was e.e.cummings but even though the internet is oh wow! I can't find it. Or maybe it's the dust.
 
My husband needs all of the credit for this post.  We discuss our life continuously.  We look at the good and the bad, what we are doing right and what is going horribly wrong.  And probably most importantly we discuss our attitudes towards certain things, if they are stinky and need adjusting or if they are not so bad.  He put it really simply and said that we have seasons (hold up, let me explain) like Winter, Spring, Autumn, Summer.  What happens is that we all want whatever season to move on quickly but the reality is things happen in that season that will only manifest in the next or even the one after.  Ok this didn't bring me as much peace then as it has thinking it through.  I can see it if I make it really simple for myself.
 
In the season of No-Car I have gotten tired and my feet have been sore, but for the first time in, I think, my life I have a gap between my legs!  I said to a friend yesterday that I have prayed for years to lose the stubborn weight in a healthy way.  Wouldn't be so funny if this was God's response to that question?   
 
In the season of No-Car my husband and I have learnt to talk, really talk. 
And to listen.
 
In the season of No-Car we have discovered our son is happiest outside of four walls and he loves being with his daddy and mommy and sister.
And he is crazy about water.
 
In the season of Not-enough-money I've learnt to cook good food.  It brings me such joy!
 
In the season of Pruning I have learnt to trust God to do what He wants, needs to that His purpose would be worked out in my life.
 
In the season of Screaming-wobbly I've learnt to listen to my child.
 
We are not out of any of those seasons and while they are often paifully uncomfortable I don't wish them away.  And I guess that in all of it I am 'taking courage to grow up and show who I really am'.
 
And I'm currently reading The Irrestible Revolution by Shane Clairborne.
 
And I feel more alive now than ever before.
 
I have no idea what our next season will be, but I think I've learnt how to live and love and laugh whatever the season.  So if you ask me how I am and I say good, I mean it, but our good most likely doesn't match what the prescribed good should look like. 
 
I want to leave with you with this:
Don't wish away where you are.  If you are finding it too much to handle alone ask for help.  If there is no-one that you feel you can talk to I am here.  It doesn't have to be just spiritual or emotional, but if you need some practical help, again I am here.
 
Much love
Philippa

Comments

  1. What a wonderful look into the seasons of being human, of growth, of Learning to rely on more than ourselves. Just wonderful. For a long time we were in a season of no travel and it was hard. But we learned so much from it, from not trying to force a home coming, from waiting on the Lord. Thank you for the reminder.

    Lisa-Jo

    ReplyDelete
  2. I was writing about this same subject (not posted yet) just before the little one arrived...it is so so true. God is so faithful to see us through every season. I love those lyrics from Hillsong's the Desert Song: All of my life, in every season, you are still God, I have a reason to sing...

    It is good to sit still and think about what you're thankful for!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lisa-Jo

    Thanks so much for the comment. It has most definitley been a season of learning and of appreciating the small things. Again, thank you, I really appreciate your comment.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Caroline
    Thanks a mil. I love that song to. The amazing things is the past I would shout it out with tears streaming down my cheeks, now there is a quiet, but real knowing He is faithful, He is in control.

    Can't wait to read your post.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I needed to hear this - thanks for being faithful in your writing and sharing.

    Here goes to 'not wishing away the season you're in'...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hey Leoni

    I'm so glad this post spoke something to you. And thanks for the comment. We really must get together.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Thank you for commenting, I really love hearing from you

Popular posts from this blog

Swollen-eye girl

My husband suggests I change my e-mail to swolleneyegirl@something.somethingelse.  It has something to do with the look of my right eye.  Little children, mine, were playing rough in my bed.  One child, the boy, pushes the other child, the girl, and that child lands on/in my eye.  What happened as a result is a fracture in the bone behind the eye.  Not really a problem, but I blew my nose a bit later.  This pushed air through the fracture in the sinus and it popped my eye out of the socket.   Luckily I was able to put it back.  I have to rest my eye and not blow my nose for 10days.  But God is so faithful, it could have been worse, the eye doctor blessed us with huge discount and another patient offered us a free family photo shoot.



And in other news we will be picking up our visas on the 28th of December!!!!!!!  God is so faithful and we have seen miracle upon miracle happen!  We know He will continue to move all mountains!  Please continue to pray for us!

As sore as my eye is I am f…

Alexander gets lost

Last night we lost Alexander while shopping.  We'd actually gone to look for a blanket for bicycle rides and he was really excited.  We'd also allowed him to walk beside us not attached to us.  Being 2 he abused this privilege and bolted.  I don't know why we took so long to register that we couldn't see him or why nobody paid us any attention when we started screaming his name.  Last night I'm sure I became the crazy gajin (foreigner) ranting.  Imagine the scene: I'm dressed like a ... I don't know-someone who didn't go to fashion school... and my eyes are already red and swollen from crying (another tale for another time.)  Bebe calmly perched on my hip, didn't even peep.  Emiel had the sense to remember that Alexander had wanted to go downstairs and went to look for him.  Alexander had taken himself down the escalators (I hated the stupid moving stairs before now I have even more yucky emotion towards them).  A woman on the basement floor found …

The first week of school

It's late and my thoughts might come out a bit smooshed, but I have to get into the practice of doing this again.

Today was hard.  This week was hard.

I started work after a seriously short holiday, with longing in my heart to stay home with Oliver.  My heart breaks for the mothers who have to work, I know there are those you want to, but there are many more who have to. My heart breaks for myself.  At this stage we have no idea what to do with our precious youngest child.  At 14 months he is getting too big and busy to still come to work with me and we cannot afford to put him into a playschool.  I am very grateful that he is able to be with Emiel. It works, for now, kinda.    

Beatrice started big school this week.  It has been exhausting, even trying to type this is exhausting. She uses so much energy trying to be good, trying to listen, trying to concentrate, trying to sit still that the minute steps out of the school building she lets go.  I am finding it harder to deal with…