Longing for Winter

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are."
— E.E. Cummings

 "Unbeing dead isn't being alive."
— E.E. Cummings

"We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit."
— E.E. Cummings

 

I had not intended to start with anything like the above quotes, but aren't they amazing?  What I had wanted was to find a poem about winter.  In the spider-webbed, cardboard-boxed-up mind of mine I remember something and I decided it was e.e.cummings but even though the internet is oh wow! I can't find it. Or maybe it's the dust.

 

My husband needs all of the credit for this post.  We discuss our life continuously.  We look at the good and the bad, what we are doing right and what is going horribly wrong.  And probably most importantly we discuss our attitudes towards certain things, if they are stinky and need adjusting or if they are not so bad.  He put it really simply and said that we have seasons (hold up, let me explain) like Winter, Spring, Autumn, Summer.  What happens is that we all want whatever season to move on quickly but the reality is things happen in that season that will only manifest in the next or even the one after.  Ok this didn't bring me as much peace then as it has thinking it through.  I can see it if I make it really simple for myself.

 

In the season of No-Car I have gotten tired and my feet have been sore, but for the first time in, I think, my life I have a gap between my legs!  I said to a friend yesterday that I have prayed for years to lose the stubborn weight in a healthy way.  Wouldn't be so funny if this was God's response to that question?   

 

In the season of No-Car my husband and I have learnt to talk, really talk. 

And to listen.

 

In the season of No-Car we have discovered our son is happiest outside of four walls and he loves being with his daddy and mommy and sister.

And he is crazy about water.

 

In the season of Not-enough-money I've learnt to cook good food.  It brings me such joy!

 

In the season of Pruning I have learnt to trust God to do what He wants, needs to that His purpose would be worked out in my life.

 

In the season of Screaming-wobbly I've learnt to listen to my child.

 

We are not out of any of those seasons and while they are often paifully uncomfortable I don't wish them away.  And I guess that in all of it I am 'taking courage to grow up and show who I really am'.

 

And I'm currently reading The Irrestible Revolution by Shane Clairborne.

 

And I feel more alive now than ever before.

 

I have no idea what our next season will be, but I think I've learnt how to live and love and laugh whatever the season.  So if you ask me how I am and I say good, I mean it, but our good most likely doesn't match what the prescribed good should look like. 

 

I want to leave with you with this:

Don't wish away where you are.  If you are finding it too much to handle alone ask for help.  If there is no-one that you feel you can talk to I am here.  It doesn't have to be just spiritual or emotional, but if you need some practical help, again I am here.

 

Much love

Philippa