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un-growing up and a sign of maturity

When I was younger, particularly around the time of my 25th birthday, the idea of growing up really, really BUGGED me.  And then life happened wham!  It is not so much that I don't want to grow up as much as I don't want the expectations of others to dictate the direction of my life.  I know that sounds immature, but heck, I have to live my life don't I? 

I often do things a bit wonky.  Because the societal/Christian norm is for my life to look like XYZ by whatever age I would be like, "Um, no, I'd rather it didn't."  My rebellion was not, however, really all that well thoughout so there would be no alternative, just a fat hole into which I could fall.  I see the error in my way!  BUT, and this is kind of a biggie, I am not all that happy with the grown-up stuffy that I think I have achieved (that being said I think some people still view um, where I am at this stage in my life as immaturity.) 

I like loud music that is kinda punk-like alternative.  I like the piercing on the top of my left ear, and if I wasn't so dang scared of everyone's opinion (k, I admit that is uber immature) I'd get another.  I love adventure!!!!  Um, so I'm not sure what the else right now.   Oh, wait, If I could decorate my house the way I wanted to it would have purple floors! 

There is a recklessness in living the un-grown up life.  Not the kind of recklessness I had before where my behavior was often more reminiscent of stupidity.  I think maybe, what I am really trying to get to is a place of following God unashamedly wherever He leads.  Following God is not the safe choice. 

My daughter is moaning.  So I've picked her up and she's sitting on my lap. 

I wish I could better articulate what it is I'm trying to say.  I guess you are just gonna have to watch and see what happens, I have a feeling deep in my gut that it is going to be exciting.  

Much love
Philippa
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