Skip to main content

"The greatest challenge of the day is: how to bring about a revolution of the heart." Dorothy Day: Part 1

I recently made an observation (by way of a comment from my mom) of my life.  I have changed.  I have grown.  I have blossomed.  And it would not have happened if life had not been so grossly uncomfortable for the last bunch of years.

Hindsight really is a gift.  I was able to look back, ok maybe for the first time in many months, and see the thread weaving through.  I can see why one door closed and how another opened and how, while one path crumbled (think Indiana Jones type path crumbling), a new one appeared.  (So wierd, but my brain is seeing this in video game format.)   I can see that my heart broken, body rocking crying was not for nothing.  I've started to feel life pumping through my veins.  Please don't get me wrong, and think that I was unhappy being a wife and mother, this is something I was made to be.  But something was missing in me. One of things I have realised is that my Christian walk had become so religious.  It had become so much about me and me being righteous and me growing and blah, blah, blah.  I don't want to ever be like that again.

Awhile back, while at my previous church, I was given a book by Donald Miller.  The book, Blue Like Jazz, spoke in a simplistic, real language that for whatever reason did not correspond with the way I was growing.  I managed to read all of one chapter and decided that, while something in me began to move, I could not accept the freedom from which he wrote.  If anything I decided it was probably wrong and possibly against the Christianity I knew.  I loved my previous church, but, through human error, got incredibly hurt.  Then we moved to a new church where I have had to start the whole prossess over of making friends, finding fellowship, submitting to leadership.  And it has been hard.  I had a new baby, we had no money much of the time, dealing with a gorgeous toddler with eating issues and ecsema, a marriage that almost fell apart and a new church!!!!!  And then I started reading Blue Like Jazz again, when I was raw and broken and in so much need of a redeeming God.  I lost the book 3/4 of the way through, somewhere, somehow I put it down and it stayed put.  I so badly want to finish it!  What I read spoke the beginning of a new walk, one that I can be excited about. 

My character while gentle, always lent towards critical and judgemental.  That is being shifted.  I really want to love.  I want that my life reflects the Christ in me and speaks to the Christ in you and in everyone I meet.  I also see for the first time a concreteness (is that a word?).  No longer will there be a flitting or a flirtation.  This is it. 

Oh, and in case you were wondering how The Irrestible Revolution by Shane Clairborne is going, it has blown my mind.  I recommend that you try and get yourself  copy and read it and Blue Like Jazz. 

Happy to share my heart with you
Philippa

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Swollen-eye girl

My husband suggests I change my e-mail to swolleneyegirl@something.somethingelse.  It has something to do with the look of my right eye.  Little children, mine, were playing rough in my bed.  One child, the boy, pushes the other child, the girl, and that child lands on/in my eye.  What happened as a result is a fracture in the bone behind the eye.  Not really a problem, but I blew my nose a bit later.  This pushed air through the fracture in the sinus and it popped my eye out of the socket.   Luckily I was able to put it back.  I have to rest my eye and not blow my nose for 10days.  But God is so faithful, it could have been worse, the eye doctor blessed us with huge discount and another patient offered us a free family photo shoot.



And in other news we will be picking up our visas on the 28th of December!!!!!!!  God is so faithful and we have seen miracle upon miracle happen!  We know He will continue to move all mountains!  Please continue to pray for us!

As sore as my eye is I am f…

Alexander gets lost

Last night we lost Alexander while shopping.  We'd actually gone to look for a blanket for bicycle rides and he was really excited.  We'd also allowed him to walk beside us not attached to us.  Being 2 he abused this privilege and bolted.  I don't know why we took so long to register that we couldn't see him or why nobody paid us any attention when we started screaming his name.  Last night I'm sure I became the crazy gajin (foreigner) ranting.  Imagine the scene: I'm dressed like a ... I don't know-someone who didn't go to fashion school... and my eyes are already red and swollen from crying (another tale for another time.)  Bebe calmly perched on my hip, didn't even peep.  Emiel had the sense to remember that Alexander had wanted to go downstairs and went to look for him.  Alexander had taken himself down the escalators (I hated the stupid moving stairs before now I have even more yucky emotion towards them).  A woman on the basement floor found …

"I am happy Mom"

Today was Alexander's first field trip and well, my first field trip as a teacher.  We went to the Momofoku Ando Instant Ramen Museum- the birthplace of instant noodles.  With 11 little people, Alexander being the most unruly, my nerves were somewhat frayed by the time we got back to school.  Alexander has a way of fraying my nerves at the moment.  He has reached a new level of stubbornness that would frighten most mere mortals, but I am not a mere mortal, I am his mother.  The most amusing or irritating thing he has come up with is "I am happy Mom" when I have to discipline him.  Yes, Alexander, you are happy and I am happy for you, but I am more interested in how happy you will be in your future. I just know as I know that if I am not able to bend his will in the right direction he will grow up to be man that is forceful, hard and demanding.

In other news, my sister's boyfriend is fine.  It turned out to be something minor, but painful.  I really miss home when I t…