Wife, mother, titles I wear with pride but sometimes frustration.
The photo's are supposed to be the other way around because I am wife first and then mom.
I love being Emiel's wife. And as much as I don't always get the wifey stuff right I love trying. It brings me so much pleasure to prepare food that tastes good and I know will be good for him. I make a point of dressing in a way that I know will catch his eye (so it is really beyond me that my wardrobe is so sparce at the moment.) I want to be the best for him, that he feels daily that God gave him his heart's desire.
I've said before how grateful I am to be a mom. My children are the most amazing gifts and I believe signs of God's favour. Alexander is the most beautiful litle boy any mom could ask for, and Beatrice is truly the happiest baby. I am priveleged.
The frustration part comes in with the realities of being wife and mom. There is a constant need for me, which is wonderful, but it is sometimes in conflict with the need I have to be myself for a bit. This is not an easy thing for me. I do not want to become the type of woman that Oprah would praise on her show for rememebering to put themselves first. Blah! Yuck! I know I need to love myself to love my family, I don't think I have a problem there. The thing is learning how to feed me, fill my tank (I think it is from Bill Hybels, not sure, just don't want to be stealing people's stuff), without putting me ahead of my family. I need to learn.
Try telling your husband you need space, so you can come back nicer, more ready to take on all that there is to deal with. Try telling him that he understands that that means not coming to kiss your cheek while you are furiosly typing away. It is not easy! But I have the kind of husband who loves me enough to try until he has fully achieved what I ask of him. I really love you Emiel!
Maybe all of this is also being days away from my 28th birthday (YUCK!!! to birthdays not the age) and suddenly realising that I spend so much time moping and trying to pull myself together, that I am not living fully. If I am living fully my family will reap the benefit. Those around me will see and understand that Jesus came to give life,
"A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of" John 10:10 (The Message).
In all of this, in all of my wobbling, my moaning, my pouring out, it is because I am not satisified with
they way I am doing things. I don't want to be striving, I just want to be really sure that I am giving God all of me for His purpose.
My encouragement to you, as I start this process, is that you search yourself and lay yourself vulnerable and find what it is that you should be doing to be living fully.
And for those of you that prayed for baby Ollie, all went well with her birth! This is an amazing family. http://housethatjadebuilt.blogspot.com/