a thousand blue fish

Ok, the title is maybe not honest.  I'm too dang hot to be happy.  I do not like being hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Now that that is over...  I feel like I am rediscovering this lost part of myself.  While all this new stuff is being born something old and special is finding its space amongst the crazy.  I really appreciate the timing.  I had written in my last post on my other blog ( http://becauseiamredeemed.blogspot.com/ ) about the poetry I used to write.  It was dark and inttense and fueled by alcohol and anger and hurt.  At that time I was at fashion school creating, maybe not the best stuff, but creating none the less.   When I was lifted out of the very gross pit I'd climbed in I stopped writing. I stopped creating. I think being a mom living the un... I don't know, un-something life I live I've needed desperately for it to come back to life. I remember when I was in Gr6 or 7 how I co...

this is me i cry i cry on good days(obviously) i cry on bad days (been going that a bit too much) i cry watching adverts i cry in movies and listening to certain music i cry watching extreme makeover home edition i cry reading about baby Ollie and her amazing family i cry watching the news i cry thinking about babies being abandoned i really have a squishyheart and i don't think it is a bad thing sometimes other people do i remember in fashion school i was once hauled into my lecturer's office and told to toughen up because my squishyheart would not handle the fashion world at other times i, by my own hand, added cement and brick to build up a wall around it i think it even became stone at times i think God has been reminding me that He made me this way, the squishyheart way i think what He has done as well, to make it a squishyheart that doesn't just pump lumpy custard, is burden me to take action  there is a something a brewing love ya muchly ...

I know its a blog, but it doesn't really need words...

What I'm getting at, friends, is that you should simply keep on doing what you've done from the beginning. When I was living among you, you lived in responsive obedience. Now that I'm separated from you, keep it up. Better yet, redouble your efforts. Be energetic in your life of salvation, reverent and sensitive before God. That energy is God's energy, an energy deep within you, God himself willing and working at what will give him the most pleasure.  Do everything readily and cheerfully--no bickering, no second-guessing allowed!  Go out into the world uncorrupted, a breath of fresh air in this squalid and polluted society. Provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living God. Carry the light-giving Message into the night  so I'll have good cause to be proud of you on the day that Christ returns. You'll be living proof that I didn't go to all this work for nothing.  Even if I am executed here and now, I'll rejoice in being an element in th...

beside the dining room table... because i didn't want to sleep, i got so tired i past out on the floor and i have a fat lip from bashing into something because when i'm tired i'm wobbly on my feet   under the table... i am dressed in my aunty zinny's builder bear's skirt aunty zinny and me having a chat now i'm trying to roll over i just love her sooooo much yes mummy? (aren't they gorgeous?)

Imagine that all of the world's problems could be changed simply by us all changing how we view things. Odd thought I know, but today I discovered again, that we don't all have the same perspective on things. And that can make life a bit tense, when a bunch of differnet people with different perspectives try live life, community, family together. The thing though, is if we are God's children, shouldn't we have His perspective? I think we've made the Christian walk so complicated that it looks like a bunch of individual perspectives. This may sound silly, but don't we all want the same thing? As far as my funk is concerned I have some big things to pray for. Please just pray for Emiel and I for wisdom and discernment. Please also pray that God brings godly people to speak into our lives, who will walk with us. Au revoir beautiful readers. Philippa p.s. New post at because i am redeemed for those who are reading

I'd said I'd come back with recipe after my last post and while the space I'm in is probably worse then before I have been determined to come up with something yum. Yesterday I made a dairy free banana bread that we could only eat today as it had to be refridgerated. It was a bit sweet and someone else's recipe, so I'll give you the link if you want it. Alexander loves the banana bread. I also made whole-wheat sweet potato cookies. I need to perfect the recipe before I share it. That being said the yumminess of these cookies has meant there aren't many left. Thursdays are student house family dinner, meaning we have the students over to our section of the house and I cook. The cooking was a nightmare experience as Emiel was at surf coaching and I had Alexander and Beatrice both needing me. Let me tell you what I managed to do in an hour: I started the sauce for the pasta with Alexander on my hip or on the counter. I then made popcorn to keep him...

I am going to give you the moral of the story first, so that you can make an educated decision as to whether you actually want to read this very journal like, introspective post.  The moral is this, we have to make the choice in life to look at the good and to sometimes disregard the bad.  It is very easy to see the bad and sometimes more difficult to see the good.  But let me tell you it is soooooo easy to become a miserable revolting mess.  You have been warned. I cried much of the day yesterday, big body rocking, snot producing snobs.  I cried yesterday because it was my birthday.  And because it was my birthday, I woke up in a funk.  And because I was in a funk I screamed at my parents in a horrible, hysterical, yucky fashion.  And because I did that I woke up this morning knowing I had yet again damaged the relationship with  my mom.  My eyes were swollen and piggy and I realised that all the sore I felt on the day...

When you are mom to a toddler you realise that bad communication (their inability) makes life rather tenuious.    i don't actually know what he wants when he does that!  I want desperately to say I am but a mummy, not a mind reader.  That would be somewhat untrue.  Being a mummy I know my son has certain things he has to have to keep him in peaceful space (that space is not devoid of naughtiness mind you.)  It is simple, feed him before he's ravenous, offer him something to drink all the time and make sure he is well rested.  Luckily my child is not easily bored, so I don't have to worry about that one.  I do wish he could communicate though, because when he starts screaching my ability to function goes out the window.  My brain comes to a standstill until the high pitched wailing of the little guy gets it going again.  Then we spend time trying to figure out what it is he wants.  It is super difficult at this point...

Wife, mother, titles I wear with pride but sometimes frustration.  The photo's are supposed to be the other way around because I am wife first and then mom. Mamma to Alexander and Beatrice Emiel's wife   I love being Emiel's wife.  And as much as I don't always get the wifey stuff right I love trying.  It brings me so much pleasure to prepare food that tastes good and I know will be good for him.  I make a point of dressing in a way that I know will catch his eye (so it is really beyond me that my wardrobe is so sparce at the moment.)  I want to be the best for him, that he feels daily that God gave him his heart's desire. I've said before how grateful I am to be a mom.  My children are the most amazing gifts and I believe signs of God's favour.  Alexander is the most beautiful litle boy any mom could ask for, and Beatrice is truly the happiest baby.  I am priveleged. Happy girl, who l...

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)                                   i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true) and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart) by e.e. cummings   i love this poem.  it is maybe the only romantic thing about me.  i first heard it in the movie "In Her Shoes" and was instantly hooked.  that is when ...

 The Us's abou to walk to town  Us in doing our nerdy look UI am craving community.  And please don't get me wrong, it is not that community is not offered at the church we go to, I just need people that are a bit more like me.  We are different, and I don't think that is a bad thing it just doesn't make it easy to always fit in.  We have kids that we are raising a certain way.  We listen to certian types of music and read certain types of books.  We nothing, I just need people.  I am loving the bloggy world, I'm reading the blogs of all these amazing people, but they are not my people.  I don't know really what my people are like.  Ok, that being said I have some beautiful, special friends.  I love them dearly.  Ok, maybe it is more a couple thing.  We need our people.  And by that I mean we need the people that we raise children with.  We used to have something like that at our previous church, but when...

 I would love to be blogging everyday,  I would be really happy.  We need a couple of things in place for that to happen.  Firstly we need the internet at home.  I think I need to do to some investigating.  If anybody in the South African area is using no-phone line, wireless internet please let me know about it, costs, if you're happy.  Secondly we need a happy laptop.  Our current one is on its old legs (makes no sense).  It was someone else's (thank you, it came when we really needed it) and came with quirks.  And we share.  I love my husband, but have you ever tried to share a laptop with a Theology studying, Old Testament lecturing, school's ministering husband?  Have ya? him looking all dashing like  So to fill you in on the details of the last while.  I cut my son's hair.   I love doing stuff like that, in college I even cut my hair, until my parent's c...

Yeah and wow.  We have a gorgeous enormous, loud, gusty, wind blowing storm after a hot day.  i love the change in weather and I love freak weather.  That being said I don't love the loss of life or possession.  It just blows my mind that God-engineered weather can be so explosive at times.   Emiel says I am a bit of a nautral disasters kind of gal.  SO you may be wondering how The Challenge has been going.  Well  until a little while ago it wasn't.  Since being grossly sick, my sweet-natured Bea also got sick.  I was so mad at myself, but I don't think there was anything I could have really done.  She had a fever the whole day yesterday, but still maintained just the most lovely nature.  This child is something amazing. The gorgeous storm outside has stopped but it was replaced with a storm of another kind (no the storm wasn't as quick as all that, but mommy was called on duty as daddy is surf coaching).  To...