a thousand blue fish

My next daughter is going to be called Rizpah Ava Liebenberg I am not pregnant and no, we have not started adopting yet I just know this is her name What it also means is that she will be a woman who reminds a heartless world to feel compassion Rizpah means hot coal and Ava, life Rizpah, in the Bible, was one of Saul's concubine's David out of a place of fear handed her children to the Gibeonite's who slaughtered them and left there bodies exposed "But the king took the two sons of Rizpah the daughter of Aiah, whom she bore to Saul, Armoni and Mephibosheth, and the five sons of Michal the daughter of Saul, whom she bore to Adriel the son of Barzillai the Meholathite. And he delivered them into the hands of the Gibeonites. And they hanged them in the hill before Jehovah. And they fell, seven together, and were put to death in the days of harvest, in the first days , in the beginning of barley harvest. And Rizpah the daughter of Aiah took sackcloth and spread i...

So my weekend went like this: My hope is not what it should be, hoplessness is starting to creep in Emiel leaves for camp I watch a stupid movie and feel scared My hope fades just a bit more I do my very best to keep my little people happy and content while their daddy is away Alexander is really not happy his daddy is away My hope continues fading I have plans to go my parents for Saturday Phone my dad who says my mom has had another allergic reaction to a medication I end up trying to clean and leave later then expected Get a text message from my dad saying I need to get there He needs to go out and my mom doesn't want to be left alone Suddenly it dawns on me that this reaction is quite serious My hope is fading fast I arrive at my parents' house with the littlies in tow I rush to my mom who has been trying to sleep She asks if her eyes are red Her face is swollen This is the third reaction And this time it was to Paracetamol (one of the components in the other meds) My mom...

I am Philippa Wife of Emiel Mother of Alexander and Beatrice Daughter of Chris and Vicky Sister of Robyn, Anthony and Zinny Sister-in-something to Clint Aunt to Ella Sister-in-law to Rael and Natalie Daughter-in-law to Pierre (I can never remember the spelling) and Rene Granddaughter to Annie B (The teeny, tiny granny is Granny Rita who died when I was pregnant with Alexander. I am still really sore that she didn't get to see him) Granddaughter-in-law of Daphne Niece to a bunch of special people and cousin to a bunch more I have a place My name takes a branch on a family tree From my name come other branches When I started writing this I wasn't really sure of the direction, until I thought about all the people that have nobody I moan a hang of a lot, I know, Truth be told I have a bit to moan about But I look at where I am and I have a my spot, my dent, my groove that is made for only me I want to learn to be that for other people In my heart of hearts I know we will a...

I have just eaten way too much.  My tummy is feeling that yuck feeling and I am tired.  The tiredness is not because of my stuffed tummy but life.  The saying is that change is as good as a holiday, I need change.  I need more than just change, I need positive change.  Maybe I need to change.   I need to learn how to laugh.  I need to learn how to not be insecure.  Did I mention I am tired?  Tired means raw nerves, means more emotional than I should be. Mothering is not for wimps.  I am finished, frustrated and overwhelmed.  And being a wife is well, iron sharpening iron.   I have to learn how to dream.  I have forgotten, financial issues do that.  Monkeys I am in a mood.  So goodnight.  Philippa (I wish I could blog more.)  Aagh!!!!!! 

This is the list that I mentioned before, the one about the kinda guy I wanted.  As I'd previously stated God gave me many of the points I'd asked for and in His infinite wisdom dumped some some of the stupid ones. Some of the points I wanted in my future husband were things lacking in my character.  I grew in the time it took writing this to the time I met Emiel. Bare with me a bit, some of the stuff may seem odd, but I was 20/21. (Wow, I'm old!) 1.reborn Christian (same place as me would be great) 2. major family person 3.adores children 4.absolutely no drugs 5.has (or still does) smoke (Styvie Blue) (I am a smoker who no longer smokes.  I still crave cigarrettes every day!) 6.drinks moderately (My love can drink but one glass of wine and then he giggles like a little girl) 7.intelligent 8.creative 9.wise 10.charasmatic 11.kind 12.gentle 13.funny (as I would be amused) (bah, ha, ha my husband's sense of humour is on another level to my dry non-existent sense...

Special K is a cereal aimed at helping one achieve a sleek, red-bikini figure. I find it gross and the truth is it only works if you do all the other healthy things that you should be doing anyway to get slinky. This is for the other Special K. Thank you for reading my blog!!!!! I would do a comment reply-thing but I am not sure how. So I decided to dedicate this post to you. Way to go!!!! I tried to read up a bit but I've only found one main article and I am not sure I fully understand the rammifications. What I've read makes me think of America in the Cold War days, where no communication was private in the hopes of rooting out communists. Thinking of you. Much love Philippa

I've just read over a bunch of my posts only to discover really wonky sentence structure, words missed out and really poor spelling. I apologise. I think from now I am going to plan things a bit better. I am also aware that I sometimes, if not often, speak half formed thoughts which should not be the case if I am planning my posts. I wish I could plan what I am going to say in real life. It seems to have been a thing for as long as I can remember, getting so excited about something that I haven't fully worked through. Ok, now I have a wierd thing. One of you dear readers comes to my blog via Proxify.com, which is a thing that hides your url (for people like me who had to find out). I am wondering why you would hide. I have been trying to figure it out and I have come up with a few options. K, you are a govermental organisation watching me,you are someone famous, you are publisher offering me a book deal (ha, ha, considering the way I write), you are a successful blogg...

We have just had yet another most unpleasant supper. One in which my 2 year old has screamed and cried and protested. His refusal to eat supper breaks my heart but his out right defiance and stubbornness steeles my resolve. We had to send him to bed without anything. And still he shouts 'No' everytime we tell him to go to sleep. I am so not into this. Its so easy to fall into the trap of battling it out in a full blown screaming match. Then my darling daughter decided she was not going to sleep. She is physically very strong so trying to rock her firmly only causes her to twist into wierd positions. While she does this she starts screaming louder and louder. To be honest I don't have the energy for this, so I tricked her. I had her sit upright on my knee and began a gentle bounce. She was asleep in no time, Alexander on the other hand is still awake. And then in other areas of my life I am faced with a situation I don't know how to handle. My normal appr...

Why is it so hard to put some words down on this page? I have so much to say! A lot of of it is good stuff, some of it is a bit fluffly around the edges. Ok, here goes: I think for the first time in my life I know what it means to be working out my salvation (Phil 2:12). I don't know why it has taken me 24 years (yup, I got saved when I was 4) to get to this space. I haven't gotten it all figured out like I think I had always done in the past. I am less intersted in Christian culture.  It doesn't always translate into Jesus culture. I can't handle the huge debate on end times and methods of baptism and denominations and names for things my brain refuses to memorise.  The truth is that as Christians we are all brothers and sisters, or does your Bible say something different? And I am a bit of a hypocrite, I would rather love the poor, visibly broken person then the one I see on a regular, church-like basis.  I was really upset with myself when I ...

*before i share with you what is on my heart i just want to apologise for the small caps and possible typo's. I am not able to get as much internet use as i'd like. I can use my husbands phone to post stuff, but it not the most fun way to do things. (and after apologising for small caps the phone as decided to capitalize the beginning of the sentence letters.) anyways, blogging is my happy space and not blogging means i am less happy, so please forgive what looks boring and possible blurry pictures* my hubs and i are about to do yet another major clean of our home. Its kinda cluttered and full of unneccassary (must check spelling) stuff that may be a blessing to others. I've just sat and let my eye run over everything and i got stuck on our book shelves. We have loads of books, and they're mostly christian. A lot are text books for Emiel who is studying theology. I remember in the past how my heart would swell up with pride when people came over. It was like i...