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The first week of school

It's late and my thoughts might come out a bit smooshed, but I have to get into the practice of doing this again.

Today was hard.  This week was hard.

I started work after a seriously short holiday, with longing in my heart to stay home with Oliver.  My heart breaks for the mothers who have to work, I know there are those you want to, but there are many more who have to. My heart breaks for myself.  At this stage we have no idea what to do with our precious youngest child.  At 14 months he is getting too big and busy to still come to work with me and we cannot afford to put him into a playschool.  I am very grateful that he is able to be with Emiel. It works, for now, kinda.    

Beatrice started big school this week.  It has been exhausting, even trying to type this is exhausting. She uses so much energy trying to be good, trying to listen, trying to concentrate, trying to sit still that the minute steps out of the school building she lets go.  I am finding it harder to deal with her letting go.  Today, at the mall, she let her body flop, something she does when she is unhappy or unsettled or I don't honestly know why she does it, and I tripped almost landing on top of her.  This morning we had a meeting at a place where our children can play, she spent her time flopped over the bench beside me needing me to scratch her back.  She wants to be picked up, held, a lot and she is 6.  I get it, kinda, but it is so damn hard.

Alexander went back to school with a tummy ache.  I was shattered.  He had settled in after the first 2 days, and was even excited for the sports day, but then he didn't run fast enough to get a medal.  Oh man, how I wish I had some superpower, to zap the disappointment right from my child before it pierced his oh so tender heart.   And today, when those girls told him he couldn't play and that he was annoying...

That is all.  I would have loved to have shared with you some nugget of wisdom that I have learnt from this week, I don't have it yet.  I leave you with this hunk, covered in bolognese sauce.

Peace be with you
Philippa


 

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