I am a jumbled up disarray of thoughts that don't seem to want to become anything. I finally have (space, time, children in another room, the laptop, internet access) to write and I can't seem to scratch out anything that means, well anything.
My husband is trying, very sweetly, to keep the babas away for just a bit and as much as I tell that I don't know what to write he seems determined to have me sit here. I have been a basketcase of late and I think he's hoping that this will act as an outlet. I love him.
This being poor-thing is difficult on one's sense of humour especially when one's sense of humour is non-existent. Our children have been sick. My mom started really pressing me to take them to the doctor saying she'd pay, so off we went. Beatrice, all gross and snotty, is not too sick, but Alexander is really sick with croup. Awesome (hint the note of sarcasm)! So off hubbles and I go to the pharmacy with two scripts. The pharmacist kept offering us cheaper stuff, which we accepted, but didn't figure it would be too bad. The bill for all the kiddies medecine (1x probiotic, 1x nebulizer mask, cortizone thing for Alexander, nasal spray and anti-hestamine thing for Beatrice ) literally ate up all our money for the rest of the month! Yes, you read right! Man, this is getting boring. And discussions are closed on suggestions I should get a job. I am really hoping my faith kicks in.
Break in train of blog:
I read an article about a man who robbed a bank of $1 so as to get to see a doctor. In prison he would be receive medical attention out of hospital he would be a burden on his family.http://beta.news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/man-robs-bank-medical-care-jail-143625999.html That seems very wrong to me. I am not knocking America, I am knocking a world system that places more priority on the amassing of personal wealth and material things and less on protecting people. Another article I read stated that more is spent on pets then human rightshttp://www.news24.com/World/News/More-spent-on-pets-than-human-rights-20110630
I told a darling girl called Alli as she was leaving to go the airport to start her journey home (for good) that I really wish she'd met me at a different stage, when I wasn't so blah. I am not very impressed with myself, but then again I think I don't really know myself that well. I was looking at photos of me as a child and with shock realised I wasn't pudgy. I have walked around for years thinking I was fat which I think scewed how I see myself now. On top of that I have let my emotions direct everything for the last bit and it is a rubbish way to live. Let's be honest, it doesn't show how big God is. I want to show how big God is, I want to show how gently He loves, how beautifully He creates and completely He heals. All I am showing at the moment is that I don't trust Him to do all He says He will do. I am sorry Lord.
On other fronts I am crocheting. And on other fronts I ate the best meal in a very long time yesterday as French Connection in Francshoek. Oh my goodness, the flavours are still fresh in my memory. The sad thing it is that it was a dairy-rich meal. We went for my brother's birthday, he is 21!!! It so good!
What else? I am wearing my hair lose, on a semi-regular basis, for the first time in years. And I think I am enjoying it.
Ok,what else? I think I am living selfishly.
Hope you survived, much love